Bob White just wrote from Amsterdam, and he’s concerned about someone with an obvious reptilian name against merunning for president.
I think Bob goes a bit too far along the dogtrail with his conspiracy theories, doncha know, but I wonder if he doesn’t have a point here. I mean, NEWT? Who names their children Newt? If he’s not a reptilian, why give him that kind of name? Isn’t it a sort of tip-off or whatever you call it? Giveaway?
Really, I think I’m the only candidate with a decent first name. Would you really vote for someone named after a piece of winter clothing?
Winter in Alaska means –get outta town! I’ve been behind in posting my weekly commentary because the whole family went south for the holidays. The kids were touring in California, and even thought it’s a terribly decadent place where it’s hard to get good moosemeat, Tommy and I decided to join them. Dooney–you know, I mean Amaranth, my favorite oldest daughter–had to stay in Anchorage to take care of little Mephisto, but we hear that the tyke’s dad will be going up there soon for a belated holiday with them.
Some people would say that’s “too much information” about our family, but my fans and friends always say they want more!
Traveling through the Great United States reminded me of just how good Americans are to each other. Why, in a few places no one recognized us, and those folks just opened up about what’s bothering them. And what is it? The economy, jobs, foreclosures? No! People know that hard work is all that it takes to succeed in America. What’s bothering folks is the way Christian holidays have been hijacked by pagans. There were even some places that wouldn’t put out a Christmas nativity scene so as not to offend the ungodly!
When we’re home, we always put out our MooseTivity, the manger scene made up entirely of moose. And we think every town should do the same!
December 8–Pearl Harbor Day–the day we beat the Japs!
I’ve been asked for my recipe for pepper spray, which is THE THING for the holidays this year. One of the most useful things I make! We keep it around in case bears come snorting around the garage. Run up to them and just hit ’em right in the eyes, drives ’em nuts! Oh, yeah, and be sure to run away while they’re blinded.
But this spray is also useful for “occupiers” and other indigents in tents. Generally they are less aggressive than bears when sprayed, but be careful, you never know!
And in response to the viewer who wanted to know whether peppers grow in Alaska: of course! What did God invent greenhouses for?
Honeyed Jalapeno Pepper Spray
23 quarts of jalepanos
23 quarts of water
1 quart honey
Put on your gloves! You want to get to the good part of the peppers, and you don’t want to burn yourself. So wear gloves while preparing!
Slice the jalapenos down the middle and toss into the water; add honey. Let soak for 24 hours, then put it on the fire until you reach boiling. Remove from flame immediately and cool. Strain out peppers and discard. (Feed to neighbors’ dog team if they look like they might be better than yours.) Fill spray bottle (recycled if possible) and then store the remainder. Good for at least a year.